Subjective Truth :
This piece was inspired by a post I saw on Facebook. It was
a picture of a black couple and on the bottom were the words,
"#BLACKLOVE". This was really interesting to me because I had never
racialized love. Reading through the comments, (By the way, never do this unless
you want to be annoyed), I saw all of these black people explaining why they
can only be with another black person.
Now, don't get me wrong. I understand the convenience being in a "mono-racial relationship", (Does this word
exist? Because if it doesn't, then I expect 1.00$ from everyone who uses it
after this post). However, I think that if you are only after a relationship
with someone of the same race because of the similarities you expect to find,
you miss out on the excitement of immersing yourself in a different culture by
entering a mixed relationship. Again, I have nothing against a mono-racial
relationship. However, I know so many people who limit their choices and refuse
to look outside of their race, because of a subtle social stigma that still
encourages people to stay within their race. This social stigma has many forms and is expressed with the right stimuli. For example, the phrase
"#BLACKLOVE", rather than spreading the idea of love of a black
couple, becomes the platform where people express their fears and
insecurities about dating outside of their race and culture. I have had similar
experiences when black people look at me as a traitor when I pass by them holding
my German girlfriends hand.
I am confident enough in my "blackness" to
understand that dating a blond haired, blue-eyed German doesn't put my
"Black Card" in jeopardy. It's so annoying when I hear people say,
"I could never date outside my race". In my head I think, "Well,
enjoy the single life because you're obviously not having much success within
your race."
The point I'm trying to make is this - Forget race and
cultural differences. What matters is the PERSON. Yes, I'm black and my
girlfriend is white, but that is only PART of our identity. WHO she is
outweighs her skin color. Honestly, I forget she's white until an idiot brings
it up. Then I'm like, "Yeah, I guess she's that too ... (Awkward
silence)". And if you have the fear of immersing yourself in a different
culture, place love and trust in your partner. My girlfriend continues to help
me through all of my culture shocks in Germany.
Before I go, here's a list of reasons to date outside your
race or culture:
- Amazing Food ( Those sausages though … )
- Great Drinks ( German Beer … Ich liebe dich )
- Learn a New Dance ( I learned Disco Fox )
- Learn a New Language ( I learned German )
- You'll Make Funny Cultural Mistakes ( Ich bin peinlich )
- You'll Have Mixed Kids (With really awesome
hair )
And finally, you'll learn so much about yourself in the
process of learning about your partner. My background and culture causes me to
see things from one perspective, and her background and culture shows her
something different. For example, our perspective of time always causes an issue between my
girlfriend and I. Germans, and I'm casting a wide net here, tend to be very punctual
and efficient with their use of time. Haitians, do you feel the net being cast
again, tend to be more easy going and time is not taken so seriously. I won't
elaborate on it here. That's for another post.
Punchline :
If the only thing preventing you from dating outside your
race or culture is what others will say, or how people will view you, you are
missing out. If you like the PERSON, go after them. Adjusting to the culture
will come later, and to be honest, it makes the relationship more
interesting.
And, from personal experience, if you're interested in a
German, DEFINITELY GO FOR IT!
Once you go German, you'll always be yearnin' ...
END.
Note : This post is in the new book, "Sober Reality : Cry Standing ". It will come out when I feel like it :) . But until then, read the other books below.
Link : http://amzn.to/2fmK5Nd
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